For Dummies
by Melissa Ishida
Summary: Chapter 4's up!!! Izzy's stuck babysitting his 2 year old cousin. Tai and Matt arrive after receiving a destress call from Izzy and attempt to help babysit. Of course, it doesn't get any easier. Especially when Matt accidentally loses the kid. Oops! R+R
1. Hypnotism

Author's Notes: Hi!!! I wrote this story over the summer break. I was bored out of my mind, eating ice cream and watching my two siblings and younger cousin goof around. That's when all of a sudden the idea hit me!!! Okay, who here has ever read, seen, or owns the infamous "For Dummies" books? Well, I'm planning on making a series out of this, a bunch of humor stories. I hope you enjoy and don't forget to review!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own digimon, the digitestined, Oreo cookies, or the "For Dummies" books.  
  
Hypnotism for Dummies  
  
Matt sat on the couch in his apartment watching the television.  
  
"There's nothing on," he complained to no one in particular. He felt his eye lids begin to droop as a yawn over came him. *Sure, a nap would be nice right about now. He was just dozing off when the doorbell alerted him awake.  
  
He walked over to the door and opened it. His mother stood there, with his little eight year old brother, TK.  
  
"Hello, Matt," his mother greeted. "Is your father home?"  
  
"No," was the answer. "He's working again today. Why?"  
  
"Well I have some important things to do today. Since you're here would you mind looking after TK for me? Thanks."  
  
Before Matt could reply, she ushered TK inside and left. Matt looked down at his little brother. "So what do you want to do? We could go to the movies, the arcade-"  
  
The doorbell had rung again. This time it was Tai and Kari.  
  
"Uh, Matt?" Tai asked. "You wouldn't happen to have anything planned for this afternoon, would you?"  
  
"Not at the moment," Matt replied. "Lemme guess. You have stuff to do and you want me to look after Kari, right?"  
  
"Yeah. Could you?"  
  
"No problem, man. TK's over, the two of them can play together."  
  
"Thanks, dude. You're a life saver!" Tai turned to Kari. "Be good for Matt, okay? I'll be back at four o'clock."  
  
"Bye, big brother," Kari waved. Matt closed the door.  
  
"You guys can amuse yourselves," Matt said. "If you need anything, I'll be in my room." With that, he left the two children to their own devices.  
  
"I'm hungry," TK said. "You want somethin', Kari?"  
  
"Sure," she replied. "I'll go get Matt-"  
  
"You don't need to," TK interrupted. "I've been over here plenty of times. I know my way around the kitchen. Come on."  
  
TK and Kari entered the kitchen and began rummaging through cupboards, in hopes of finding cookies or some sort of sweets. Kari was just about to give up and fetch Matt when TK shouted suddenly with joy.  
  
"What is it?" Kari asked. "Did you find any cookies?"  
  
"No," answered TK. "Even better. I found this right behind this mouldy stuff in a container." He tossed some smelly tupperware down on the counter and held out a tub of quadrupal double nut fudge chocolate ice cream with Oreo cookie bits. Kari and TK stared at it hungrily.  
  
"I found some chocolate sauce and whipped cream!" Kari said excitedly. "Let's have a giant sundae!"  
  
The two kids squealed in delight and began their little feast. As we all know, little children can get a bit hyper from sweets, especially when consuming large portions. Thus, such a thing happened to little Takeru and Hikari.  
  
"Hey, TK," Kari said suddenly. "What's in that container you took out? Is it eatable?"  
  
"I don't know," he shrugged. Suddenly, he had an idea. "But I know how to find out!"  
  
"How?"  
  
"My brother, silly! We'll tie him up and force him to taste it. Then we'll know if it's okay to eat." The two friends giggled mischeviously. "I'll go find my dad's fishing net. You lure Matt out of his room."  
  
"Okay, will do." Kari left and knocked on Matt's door.  
  
Inside, Matt was relaxing on his bed reading a book entitled, "Hypnotism For Dummies." He held up a pendulum, snickering slightly. "Once I learn how to hypnotize, Tai will wish he hadn't put itching powder in my gym shorts last April Fools. Heheheh!"  
  
"Oh Ma-att," Kari called sweetly through the door. "I need your help with something!"  
  
Matt walked over and opened the door. "What is it- ahhhhhhhhh!!!"  
  
TK had dropped the fishing net on Matt, who, all tangled up, fell flat on his face. Kari and TK jumped on Matt and tied him up with rope. Kari grabbed some of Matt's old socks and stuffed them into his mouth. TK dragged Matt into the kitchen.  
  
Kari entered the kitchen a few minutes later, carrying Matt's book and pendulum. When Matt saw what kari he began to wriggle and yell but no one understood him. TK was preparing the food.  
  
"Hey TK," Kari said as she entered. "Look what I found in your brother's room."  
  
"So?" TK shrugged. He seemed intent on feeding Matt the mold. "Find me a funnel, will you?"  
  
"Listen, TK," Kari continued. "What if instead of feeding Matt that stuff, we hypnotize him!"  
  
Matt spit out the socks and laughed nervously. "You're kidding! You couldn't hypnotize andyone if your life depended on it! *I* can't even work that thing yet!"  
  
"Only one way to find out!" Kari exclaimed, holding up the pendulum. She began to swing it back and forth in front of Matt. Back and forth, back and forth. "Watch the pendulum, don't take your eyes off it. No not you, TK, just Matt. You are getting sleepy... very sleepy." Matt's eyes eventually began to close and his head flopped over, his chin resting on his chest.  
  
"You think it's working?" TK whispered. "Is he faking it?"  
  
Kari shrugged and turned back to Matt. "When I clap my hands, you will become a... dog!"  
  
"Become a dog," Matt repeated, dazed.  
  
Kari clapped her hands. and Matt's eyes snapped open. He looked up at TK and Kari, a dopey grin on his face.  
  
"Now we found out if it worked," Kari stated as she untied Matt.  
  
He sat there for a while, then sniffed the air. Sniffig, he crawled over to the table and gazed up at it. Matt looked at the other two and barked. When they didn't move, he began to make a sort of whining noise. Finally, TK went over to the table and picked up the container of rotton smelling food. Matt immediately got into a sort of begging position, squatting with his hands held out in front of him like paws. He began to pant and drool, his tongue hanging out of his mouth.  
  
"It worked!" Kari cried. "He thinks he's a dog! Here, boy! Come here!"  
  
Matt crawled over to Kari who patted him on the head.  
  
TK was skeptical. "I'm not sure, Kari. He could be faking it still. I've got an idea."  
  
"What is it?" Kari asked.  
  
"We'll see if he'll do something Matt would never do," TK explained. "If he'll drink from the toilet, he's a dog. If not... then it's all a trick."  
  
"It's disgusting but it'll work," Kari nodded.  
  
They brought Matt into the bathroom and lifted the lid of the toilet. Matt looked into the bowl and stared thirstily at the water. Without hesitation he began to lap up the water, sticking his head in the bowl.  
  
"Does that prove it?" asked Kari.  
  
"Definately," confirmed TK, pulling Matt back by his shirt collar. "And I've got another idea. Let's play fetch in the living room!"  
  
***  
  
At four o'clock, Tai knocked on the door. TK opened it. Tai could hear barking and Kari's voice saying, "It's okay, boy! He's only my brother! A friend! No!"  
  
"since when does Matt have a dog?" asked Tai. TK said nothing, avoiding Tai's eyes. "Speaking of which, where is he?"  
  
Tai's question was quickly answered. Matt came bounding to the door and tackled Tai, knocking him over onto his back. Tai looked up at a panting Matt who leaned forward to lick his face.  
  
"Matt, no!" cried TK, grabbing Matt by his shirt collar. "Don't! Get off him, boy!"  
  
Tai was horrified. "What the hell do you think you're doing, Matt?! Get off me!"  
  
TK managed to pull the barking Matt off Tai and calm him down by scratching him behind his ears. Kari entered and saw Tai.  
  
"Four o'clock already? My how time flies."  
  
"What did you do to Matt?!" gasped Tai, getting to his feet. He looked around the Ishida apartment. It was a complete mess! Chairs and tables had been overturned and the entire apartment was practically in ruins. Tai got down on his knees and gawked at Matt. "What happened here?! Matt? Are you okay?" Matt barked in response. Tai snapped his fingers in front of Matt's face a couple of times. "What did you do to him?!"  
  
"We're sorry, Tai," apologized Kari. "We were fooling around and found a swingy thingy. I hypnotized Matt and now he thinks he's a dog."  
  
"We played fetch and kinda made a little mess," TK finished.  
  
"We gotta fix all of this before your mom gets back," Tai said. "TK, tie Matt up to keep him out of the way. We've got some cleanig to do."  
  
TK ran into Mr. Ishida's bedroom and went looking through his chest of drawers. He pulled out a belt and handed it to Tai. Tai dragged Matt into his room and using the belt as a leash, tied him to the bed post. Matt struggled against his restraints but to no avail. He began to whimper and whine.  
  
Tai sadly shook his head. "Sorry, boy, you have to stay here." He paused for a moment. "I can't believe I just said that!"  
  
The three remaining digidestined began to clean, scrubbing walls, righting chairs, tables, etc... In no time at all they had completed their task. Tai grabbed the forgotten pendulum and lead Kari and TK over to where Matt was.  
  
"Fix him," Tai instructed, thrusting the pendulum into Kari's hands. Kari nodded and faced Matt.  
  
"Watch the pendulum, don't look away," Kari said. "When I clap my hands you will return to normal, remembering nothing." She clapped her hands.  
  
Matt blinked a couple of times and looked around. "Tai? Four o'clock already?" He went to stand up but the belt pulled him back. "What the-? Hey! What am I doing with a belt around my neck?"  
  
Tai elbowed Kari forwards. "I'm sorry, Matt," she apologized. "We hypnotized you into thinking you were a dog. We got a bit hyper from that ice cream."  
  
Before Matt could reply, there was a knock at the door. Unhooking himself from the belt, Matt answered the door. It was Mrs. Takaishi, she had arrived to pick up TK. After TK left, Matt turned to Tai.  
  
"What did the two of them do to me while I was a dog?" he asked. "Besides Tai me up."  
  
Tai grinned broadly as he left. "You played fetch, tried to lick me, and... drank from the toilet. See ya later!"  
  
Tai and Kari left, leaving Matt staring in shock at the door. *I drank from the toilet? I drank from the toilet!* Matt rushed into the bathroom and bent over the toilet. He began to spew out everything he had eaten within the past few days. He didn't notice his father come home and look in on him.  
  
"Matt, are you alright?" asked Mr. Ishida with concern.  
  
"Just... fine..." Matt managed to gasp.  
  
"Okay," Mr. Ishida said, walking away into the kitchen. There was a pause then an angry shout. "YAMATO ISHIDA!" Matt paused from his wretching. His dad NEVER called him by his full name. But what had he done? "All the quadruple double nut fudge chocolate ice cream with Oreo cookie bits is gone! You know I was saving that for dessert! Why couldn't you have waited?"  
  
Matt let out a soft groan. "TK..."  
  
So what do ya think? Review to let me know. Oh and I'm doing this ask the digidestined fic so if ya got any questions about digimon and/or it's characters give them to me in the reviews or email me at crest_friendship7@hotmail.com  
I'm making a series out of this fic. Stay tuned for "Computers For Dummies" arriving at a fanfiction.net near you! ^_^ 


	2. Computers

Author's Notes: Hi!!! I'm back, and I must say wow! I guess you people really like the first fic! So, here's the sequel to "Hypnotism For Dummies". I hope you like it, and I'm still taking questions for "Dial Up The Digidestined" in case you're interested. This story happens a couple days after the first one and stars Tai and Izzy! Enjoy! ^_^  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, the digidestined, the "For Dummies" books, Napster, or the Shaggy song "It Wasn't Me", etc...  
  
Computers For Dummies  
  
Tai Kamiya sat at his father's computer, downloading MP3s from Napster. He sat back, waiting for the song to finish downloading. The download was almost complete when the computer began to beep and a little message box popped up.  
  
Tai leaned forward, looking at the screen. "Diagnostic error? Hmmmm... click here to see details... Okay." Tai clicked the details button. On the screen appeared a computer code consisting of back slashes, colons, commas, and binary. Tai stared at the computer, completely perplexed. "How am I supposed to understand this junk? It's like Martian or something."  
  
He reached for his book, "Computers for Dummies." He picked it up and began to leaf through the pages, looking for a section on how to read computer language. Frustrated, he threw the book down.  
  
"That's no help!" he sighed exasperatedly. "Who in their right mind would actually understand this stuff?!" He thought for a moment, then it occured to him. "Izzy!" he exclaimed, jumping up. "He's a computer genius! I'll just log off and give him a call."  
  
Tai went to log off, but found that the mouse was frozen. After several forceful mouse movements and much cursing, Tai resorted to the good old fashioned method. He gave the monitor a good hard smack. The screen went blue with more binary. Sighing, Tai pressed the restart button on the computer tower and went into the hallway to pick up the phone.  
  
"Izumi residence."  
  
"Hi, can I please speak to Izzy?"  
  
"Yes, just a minute." Tai waited while Mrs. Izumi fetched Izzy.  
  
"Hello?" Izzy had picked up the phone.  
  
"Izzy! Hi!" Tai said. "Could you come over to my house right away? I need a little electronical assisstance. And bring your laptop!"  
  
"Couldn't you ask Matt?" Izzy asked. "He knows a few things about computers, like NOT to kick them!"  
  
"How did you know-?"  
  
"Tai this is the fifth time in the past two weeks you've called because you crashed your computer. It's kind of obvious. Why don't you get Matt to help you? I heard he was coming over today."  
  
"Uh, he's not coming, Izzy," Tai replied. "He's sick, came down with the stomach flu last night."  
  
"Oh, poor him," Izzy said. "I guess I could come over then. I'll be right over. Bye." Izzy hung up.  
  
***  
  
A few minutes later, Izzy had arrived and was hooking up his laptop in Mr. Kamiya's office.  
  
"So Matt got sick, huh?" Izzy said, while hooking up his laptop.  
  
"Yeah," Tai nodded. "Really bad stomach flu."  
  
"What did he eat?" asked Izzy. "Maybe it's food poisoning or something."  
  
"Oh, he didn't EAT anything," Tai answered. "He got sick from the water he drank. Of course that's what happens when you drink from the toilet."  
  
Izzy dropped the cable he was holding. "What?! Matt drank from the toilet?!"  
  
"It's a long story," Tai shrugged. "One I'd prefer not to tell, but anyways. You gonna help me fix the computer?"  
  
"Yeah, all hooked up," Izzy said. "So what exactly happened?"  
  
"Well, Matt was babysitting TK and Kari-"  
  
"Not that! What happened to your computer?"  
  
"Ohhhhhh," Tai nodded. "Well I was on Napster downloading songs when a little message thingy came up saying there was an error or something. I clicked on details and the computer froze."  
  
"Hmmmm," Izzy mused. "Let's try it on my computer."  
  
Izzy logged onto the Internet and typed in Napster's site. Tai showed Izzy which song he was downloading.  
  
"You were downloading the Shaggy song?" Izzy said. "Tai, you're disgusting! That's a bad song!"  
  
"No it's not, it's cool," Tai argued. "'It Wasn't Me' is an amazing guy song!"  
  
Izzy sighed and began the download. Now all they could do was sit back and wait for either the song to finish or for the error to come up. It was only a matter of minutes before the laptop beeped and the "Diagnostic Error" message came up.  
  
"That's it," Tai said, "and then when I clicked details it froze."  
  
"What did the details say?" asked Izzy.  
  
"I don't know," shrugged Tai. "I don't know how to read computer language."  
  
Sighing, Izzy clicked the details button. He examined the code carefully. He looked at Tai.  
  
"The file's virused," Izzy concluded. "Didn't you run virus scan? By downloading the file, you've infected your dad's computer."  
  
"And yours," Tai said. "You do know that it's on your laptop."  
  
Izzy froze and looked back at his laptop. Sure enough it had frozen.  
  
"I can fix it," Tai said, whacking Izzy's laptop. "There, good as new."  
  
"Tai, you idiot!" Izzy yelled. "How many times must I tell you?! YOU DON'T HIT COMPUTERS!!! Now look what you've done!"  
  
"What?" Tai asked.  
  
Izzy pointed at the screen. It had gone completely blue and wasn't responding. Izzy glared at Tai who just shrugged.  
  
"Just reboot it," Tai shrugged, hitting the reset button. "It's easy as that."  
  
The computer began to restart, but stopped while it was starting up Windows. It had detected an error, but the system wasn't responding. Izzy was told to insert the system disk.  
  
"Thanks to you, I have to rewrite my entire hardrive," Izzy grumbled.  
  
"Just give it a couple of whacks to get it going," Tai said. Before Izzy could stop him, Tai hit the laptop again. This time the screen went black. Izzy frantically pressed the on/off button again and again but it wasn't responding.  
  
"Tai," Izzy moaned. "Look what you've done. You completely trashed my laptop. Now I have to take it in."  
  
"Can't you fix it?" Tai asked. "You ARE a computer genius."  
  
"This far surpasses my capabilities," Izzy grumbled. "From now on, Tai..."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"FIX YOU'RE OWN COMPUTER!!!"  
  
Izzy picked up his laptop and stormed out of Tai's apartment. Tai turned to his father's computer. He tried to turn it on. It wouldn't respond. He hit it. Nothing. Tai gulped. His dad wasn't gonna like this...  
  
  
So that's it! Personally, I don't think this one was as good as the first one, but since when are sequels better than the original? Read and review please, I really appreciate it! I hope you liked this fic, the next one coming up is..."First-Aid For Dummies." And I'm still taking questions for the digidestined if you want. Put them in the review or email them to me at  
crest_friendship7@hotmail.com 


	3. First-Aid

Author's Notes: I'm back again!!! This story is rated PG instead of G for one small little sentence. This story stars Tai, Matt, and of course Joe. We get more evidence of Tai's ever growing stupidity and are shown small hints of Taiora, Joumi, and if you take it the wrong way, even a hint of Taito(even though it's not intentional).  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own digimon, the digidestined, or the "For Dummies" books, ect...  
  
First-Aid For Dummies  
  
"What are you reading, Tai?"  
  
Tai Kamiya looked up from the book he had been absorbed in. His younger sister, Kari was standing there eating a bag of chips.  
  
"A book on first-aid, why?"  
  
"Why would you need to know first-aid?" asked Kari.  
  
Tai grinned evily at his sister. "Say for example that by some freak accident, you were seriously injured..."  
  
"Okay, okay, I get the picture," Kari said, walking away. "No need to demonstrate."  
  
*Demonstrate!* The idea suddenly came to Tai. *I can't truely learn, unless I can practise!*  
  
"That's it!" he exclaimed, standing up. "I'll ask for help!"  
  
But who would he ask help from? Not Kari or TK, they wouldn't know anything. Mimi was probably out shopping, more likely she had dragged one of the other guys out with her... He'd call Sora! She'd help him out! Tai picked up the phone and dialed her number. Sora picked up the phone.  
  
"Takenouchi residence, Sora speaking."  
  
"Hi, Sora, it's Tai. I need your help. Could you do me a favour?"  
  
"Sure, Tai. What is it?"  
  
"I'm learning first-aid and I need you to help me with my mouth to mouth." Tai listened to the shocked silence. Then he heard the dial tone. "Sora? You there? Hello... d**n it!" *You've blown it again, Kamiya! I don't get it. How come when Matt uses these lines on chicks it works like a charm but fails when I use it?*  
  
Sighing, Tai hung up the phone. Well he could just forget about sora helping him...or speaking to him for that matter. *I'll call Izzy. That guy knows everything!* Tai picked up the phone again and dialed the Izumi's.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Izzy! Hi, man! I need your help-"  
  
"No, Tai, no! That's what you said last time! And my lap top's in the shop because of it!"  
  
"But it's really important!"  
  
"No, Tai! Ask Matt or Joe. Good bye." Izzy hung up.  
  
"Great, I'm 0 for 2," Tai muttered exasperatedly. "Well I guess I'll try Joe. There's no reason for him to be mad at me." Tai dialed up Joe. "Joe, I need your help."  
  
"With?" asked Joe.  
  
"I need to practise my first-aid. Could you give me a few pointers?"  
  
"Yeah, I suppose. I'll be over at your place tomorrow afternoon at two. I'll bring an assisstant to practise on."  
  
"Will she be beautiful?"  
  
"Well that all depends," replied Joe. "I'll have to see if Mimi's availible."  
  
Tai was revolted. "Ew! No way! Not her! No!"  
  
"Fine," Joe sighed. "I'll see if Sora will come..."  
  
"Okay, thanks, Joe!"  
  
***  
  
At two o'clock the next day, the doorbell rang. Tai opened the door to greet Joe and...  
  
"Matt?!" Tai was surprised and disappointed. "You're the so called 'beautiful' assistant? Where's Sora?"  
  
"Didn't want to come for some reason," Joe said. "So you're stuck with Matt."  
  
"Deal with it, Tai," Matt said, sitting down on the sofa. "So what am I supposed to do?"  
  
"Lesson one," Joe said, closing the apartment door, "pulse check."  
  
"I already know Matt has a pulse," said Tai. "If he didn't, he'd be dead."  
  
"Do you want to learn first-aid or not?" asked Joe. Tai nodded. "Then just do what I tell you! Now there are two ways to check a pulse. You can use either his wrist or his neck."  
  
"I've seen this stuff on TV!" Tai exclaimed. "This is easy!" Tai grabbed Matt tightly around the neck. "Uh, Joe? I'm not detecting a pulse here."  
  
"Tai... you're... choking me!" gasped out Matt. His face was beginning to turn blue.  
  
"Sorry, Matt," apologized Tai, relaxing his grasp. Matt fell to the floor, coughing and gagging. "Oops."  
  
"I think we should move on," Joe said. "Lesson two, the Heimlich manuver. To prevent a person from choking, place your arms around their stomach and apply forceful pressure."  
  
Tai did as Joe instructed. Unfortunately, Tai used a little too much pressure. Matt gasped and fell forwards, moaning in pain and clutching his stomach.  
  
"Tai, you're gonna kill me one of these days," he moaned. "Can we take a break?"  
  
"Already?" Tai ignored Matt's moans of pain. "I'm just getting warmed up! What's next, Joe?"  
  
"Uhh... we'll move right on to cardio pulminary resusitation."  
  
Tai blinked a couple of times. "Card what now?"  
  
"Cardio pulminary resusitation," repeated Joe.  
  
"He means CPR, Tai," Matt sighed.  
  
"How would you know?" asked Tai.  
  
Matt shrugged. "I have my connections."  
  
"Whatever," dismissed Tai. "So what do I have to do?"  
  
"Okay," Joe began. "Matt, lie on the floor and take off your shirt."  
  
"No way, man!" protested Matt. "My shirt stays on!"  
  
"Fine, have it your way," sighed Joe. "Keep your shirt on. Now Tai, you have to position yourself over Matt's abdominal area. Position your hands over his chest but don't push! You could injure him."  
  
"But aren't you supposed to push?" asked Tai, from his position on Matt.  
  
"Only if he's not breathing and his pulse is low," Joe said. "Onto the next lesson."  
  
"Can Tai get off me now?" asked Matt. "I REALLY don'y like this position."  
  
"Soon, Matt, soon," Joe assured. "Right after me practise the mouth to mouth."  
  
Matt was horrified. "What?! No way! I won't let him do it! His lips are going no where near mine!"  
  
"But Matt, I have to-" Tai began.  
  
"I don't care!" Matt interrupted. "Five bucks is NOT worth this! I'm going home!"  
  
"I'll jack up the price to twenty dollars if you stay," coaxed Joe.  
  
"American?"  
  
Joe sighed. "American."  
  
"Okay!" Matt lay back down on the floor. "Let's get this over with, Tai."  
  
"Alright," Tai nodded. "So what do I do, Joe?"  
  
"Plug the victim's nose and blow into their airways. Matt, you're going to have to be extremely still."  
  
Leaning forwards, Tai pinched Matt's nose shut. Tai's face inched closer and closer to Matt's until... WHACK!!!  
  
"Ow! Matt!" Tai fell back, masaging his temple. "What was that for?"  
  
"What do you think it was for?" said Matt. "There is no way I'm going through with this!"  
  
"I'll hold him down, Tai," Joe instructed. "You give him the mouth to mouth!"  
  
Joe held Matt down and pinned his arms to the floor. Tai took his strattling position over Matt and leaned forwards, towards him. Matt struggled but with Tai's weight over his mid section and Joe holding him down, he couldn't move.  
  
"RAPE!!!" Matt screamed as loud as he could. "HELP!!!"  
  
"Shut up, Matt!" pleaded Joe. "You're gonna attract the neighbours!"  
  
"Matt, it'll all be over in a couple of seconds," Tai coaxed. "Just hold still!"  
  
"Noooooooooooo..." moaned Matt, as Tai's lips locked onto his. Matt's cries for help ceased and he began to thrash. Tai lost his balance and fell forwards on top of Matt. It was at that moment, the door of the apartment opened up and Kari walked in.  
  
"I'm home!" she called. She paused, staring at Tai lying on top of Matt, their mouths still locked together. She could hear gagging noises coming from Matt. "What are you guys doing?! Tai!"  
  
Tai sat up immediately and got off of Matt. Matt lay on the floor dazed and groggy. Joe looked up from Matt to Tai and Kari.  
  
"We were practising first-aid," Tai answered, red with embarrassment.  
  
"By what? Frenching your best friend?" Kari began to snicker. "wait until everyone at school finds out! Tai Kamiya made out with Matt Ishida and almost choked him with his tongue! Hahaha!" Matt coughed in response.  
  
"This is the last time I help you, Tai," Matt groaned standing up. "Izzy's right, you ARE dangerous. I'm going home." He glared at Kari on the way out. "If you EVER breathe a word of this to ANYONE, I will hunt you down like a dog." He slammed the door behind him.  
  
Joe picked up Tai's book, "First-Aid For Dummies" and handed it to him. "Stick to this from now on."  
  
  
I know, my mind can be a scary and disgusting place. But I do promise that the rest of the fics will be clean! Probably... I find this one really funny(in a sick and twisted kind of way). Read and review to let me know what you think. But don't even think about flames!!! A microwave is usually used to make smores...  
  
As a side note(I know this is probably beginning to get annoying) I'm still asking for questions about the digidestined or just digimon in general(silly or serious, I don't care) for the digidestined to answer. If you've got any, post them in the review or email them to me at:  
crest_friendship7@hotmail.com 


	4. Babysitting

Author's Notes: I know it's been a while but after I got back from March break I was swamped with a stupid English assignment.  
  
Matt: I still say it's drama.  
  
Tai: Whatever it was, she flunked it.  
  
Me: I didn't flunk it! A few of my other group members may have messed up a few of their lines but I did okay, and I passed! So ha! Anyways, add that to having a mysterious ailment.  
  
Davis: Why are you looking at me?  
  
Me: I'm not. Thus, causing me to miss a week of school, having to catch up on all that work, I've got graduation and comfirmation approaching and....*sigh* There's just not enough time to do everything!  
  
Joe: That's right. She had her first mental break down two days ago.  
  
Matt: Aren't you proud. T_T'  
  
Me: But I've finally got some spare time to write the series you guys all love! And on an even sadder note, the Leafs lost to New Jersey!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! WHY??? WHY!?! Oh well, I could see it coming, but Cujo was amazing! He rocks!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon or the "For Dummies" series. And even though I know that Izzy has no real family left, he now has a baby cousin. So tough!  
  
Babysitting For Dummies  
  
Izzy was sitting at his computer in his room when he heard his mother knock on the door. He opened it to ask what she wanted.  
  
"Your father and I are going out with a few relatives for the day," Mrs. Izumi said. "We need you to do us a favour."  
  
"Okay," agreed Izzy. "What is it, Mom?"  
  
"We need you to look after your little cousin until we get back," Mrs. Izumi went on. "Derek won't be too much trouble for you to handle, right?"  
  
"Not at all, Mom," Izzy smiled. "I can handle him. He's just one kid."  
  
Just one kid, yeah right. Little, two year old Derek was a hyper little boy, who just LOVED to get into mischief. He was small, with red hair and bright sapphire blue eyes. As soon as Izzy was left alone with Derek, the trouble began.  
  
"Come on, Derek," Izzy said, picking up the little boy. "I'll teach you how to surf the net on my laptop."  
  
Izzy sat down at his desk with Derek in his lap. Derek seemed to have no interest in the computer or any knowledge as to how to use it. Derek squirmed, unsatisfied with watching his older cousin click away with the mouse. After a while, Izzy began to become annoyed with the little boy's movements.  
  
"Come on, Derek, sit still!" Izzy hissed.  
  
"No!" was the reply.  
  
"Don't you want to learn how to play on the computer?" Izzy asked.  
  
"No!"  
  
Izzy was a little offended and confused. Why didn't he want to play on the computer? What else was more fun than surfing the Internet?  
  
*Face it, Izzy,* he thought to himself. *You don't know a thing about taking care of children.*  
  
"But who does?" Izzy sighed. "I guess I'll email the others, see if I can get any help from them."  
  
In the meantime, Derek had wandered out of Izzy's room and into the living room.  
  
"Okay, Derek," Izzy said. "If you don't want to download software and upgrades, what ARE you interested in?"  
  
"Fun," Derek replied, tugging on a table cloth draped over a small table. On the table, swaying precariously with Derek's tugs was Mrs. Izumi's expensive flower vase.  
  
"Derek! No!" Izzy cried out, making a mad dash for the boy. He picked him up and managed to catch the vase. Izzy teetered on the spot for a minute before regaining his balance. He put down Derek and placed the vase back on the table. Then he heard the doorbell.  
  
It was Tai. "Hi, Izzy! I got your message!"  
  
"I was kind of hoping one of the more responsible people would show up," Izzy muttered. "Like one of the girls."  
  
"I know how to take care of kids!" Tai dismissed. "I'm an older brother after all! Now where is the little guy?"  
  
A crash coming from the kitchen alerted their attention. Tai and Izzy ran into the kitchen to find Derek, admists a clutter of dishes and whatever the Izumi's had eaten for dinner the previous night.  
  
"Ew! That's one smelly kid!" Tai gasped.  
  
"That's the food, Tai," Izzy answered. "Oh, he's all dirty! Now what?"  
  
"We give him a bath!" Tai exclaimed, picking up the dirty little boy.  
  
After running the water and stripping him down, Izzy and Tai placed Derek into the bathtub. Derek didn't take to kindly to this. He began to scream and cry, not co-operating with Izzy and Tai.  
  
"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" asked Izzy.  
  
"Uhh...yes...?" answered a sudsy Tai.  
  
*********  
  
Matt knocked on the Izumi's door. He had just picked up Izzy's desperate call for help and had decided to come over. He had tried to bring over one of the girls to help as well but Sora wasn't home and Mimi hated kids.  
  
"What's taking so long?" asked Matt. "Izzy should be home."  
  
Matt knocked again and waited. No answer. He tried the door, it swung right open. Matt walked inside and looked around.  
  
"Hello?" he called. "Izzy, you home? I got your email!"  
  
Matt heard a distant squelch and Tai and Izzy emerged from the bathroom, soaking wet and soapy. Matt began to laugh. "What happened to you?"  
  
"Tai tried to give Derek a bath," Izzy explained, glaring at Tai. "I don't know who got more wet, Derek or us."  
  
"So where is the little devil?" asked Matt, still snickering.  
  
"You'll stop laughing when you meet him," Tai said.  
  
Izzy left and returned a moment later with a crying Derek. "We don't know how to make him stop."  
  
Matt picked the little kid up. "Well for one thing, kids don't like baths. Isn't that right, Derek? Yeah, those two bozos don't know a thing, do they? What do you say, you watch a little TV with your Uncle Matt?"  
  
Derek stopped crying. Tai and Izzy stared, jaws agape. Matt smiled smugly. Just then, Derek reached up and gave a firm tug on Matt's gelled hair.  
  
"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!" Matt howled in pain. "THAT HURT, YOU LITTLE-"  
  
"Matt!" lectured Izzy, snatching Derek away from him. At Matt's enraged yell, Derek had begun to cry again.  
  
"Nice going, Uncle Matt," mocked Tai. "Looks like you know a lot."  
  
"Shut up, Tai," Matt snapped, holding his head. "That hurt! The kid's a devil!"  
  
Izzy ignored Matt. "Shhhhhhhh! Don't cry, Derek. Matt didn't mean it. Come on, we'll find something for you to do."  
  
"Like watch ESPN!" Tai suggested, turning on the television. "There's always something good on!"  
  
"Sports sounds good," agreed Matt.  
  
"Well, geniuses, you really think Derek will watch your football?" asked Izzy.  
  
"Yeah, he can watch sports with his Uncles Tai and Matt," Tai said.  
  
"Just keep him away from my hair," Matt said, edging away from where Derek was sitting next to him.  
  
"Fun," Derek cooed, following Matt and making a grab for Matt's hair again.  
  
"No, go away," Matt said, getting up. "Don't touch it!"  
  
"Oh come on, what's he gonna do?" asked Tai.  
  
Izzy stood in the doorway watching Matt and Tai argue about Derek and Matt's hair. "We're getting no where..."  
  
Izzy tried to stop Tai and Matt's arguement. While this was going on, Derek snuck away, through the house. He wanted to play and the three older boys were boring him.  
  
It was Tai who noticed Derek's absense. "Uh... where's the kid?"  
  
"What?!" Izzy looked around. "Oh no! Matt, you did close the door after you entered the house, right?"  
  
"Um..." Matt shifted uncomfortably. "I think so..." Izzy and Tai glared at him. "Oh look! A digimon!"  
  
"What?" they chorused, turning around. Matt took the opurtunity to run out into the front hall.  
  
The door was wide open. It was possible that Derek had walked outside. Then again, he could still be in the apartment.  
  
"You didn't close the door!" Izzy cried, running up to Matt. "What if he escaped? He could be lost outside somewhere, all alone and defensless!"  
  
"What could possibly happen to him?" Matt shrugged. "He couldn't have gone far."  
  
"Hey guys, I don't see a digimon," Tai said, wandering towards them.  
  
"Guys, is this yours?" Izzy and Matt turned back towards the door. Sora was standing there holding Derek. "I saw him down the hall when I was on my way over."  
  
Izzy gave Matt an angry glare and turned towards Sora. "You found him! You found him! Derek!"  
  
"I told you he couldn't have gone far," Matt shrugged.  
  
"Hi Sora!" greeted Tai. "Glad you could come!"  
  
"Do you know anything about kids?" asked Izzy. "We could use some help here."  
  
"Sure," Sora said, entering the apartment and closing the door. "You gotta play games with them to keep them occupied and out of trouble."  
  
*********  
  
Later that evening, Izzy's parents arrived home to find the four babysitters. Izzy and Sora were playing peek-a-boo with Derek. Tai and Matt had passed out on the couch, and were snoring softly.  
  
"Oh, I see you brought friends over to help," Mrs. Izumi observed.  
  
"Yeah, it made the job more fun," Izzy said.  
  
"Derek wasn't too much trouble?" asked Mrs. Izumi.  
  
"Not at all, Mrs. Izumi," Sora answered. "Just once you got to know him, he's a really sweet kid."  
  
"Then you bunch won't mind babysitting him next weekend?" asked Mrs. Izumi. "We'll be going out again then."  
  
Izzy's eyes widened and he swallowed hard. "Next weekend? Sure....no problem...."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Well, that's it! End of chapter 4! So what do you think? Review and let me know your feedback. My series is far from over. Coming soon is "Shopping For Dummies" starring Mimi, Sora, Tai, and Joe! TTFN! ^_^ 


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